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it was supposed to be hello, goodbye, nice knowing you, hope you have a great life with someone else. i mean it was all that and so much more. officially had my world turned upside down…again. i’m so many emotions right now i’m  not even sure what to do with myself. i love the guy who’s my best friend because he’s become an amazing person or at least he’s on his way. the ridiculous thing is that at the same time i really want to scream at how insane this all turned out to be. i’m just going to tell myself that i’m happy and not to buy into it. i hate how this always happens when i’m stuck in a crazy, impossible situation.

it’s crazy how someone will always hold a piece of you. you’d think once you let go you’d stop feeling their pain and sadness. aha yeah right. that never changes. you never get your heart back completely and that part of yourself that you gave away. you always worry no matter what because that person will always be important. you’ll always love them and worry about them. here i was thinking about a year and a half later that it’d be no big deal. apparently that part of it all never changes. the words i said weren’t just words they were real. the promise i made didn’t just stay in my head, but lodged itself in my heart. it’s good to know that part of me is still just me. sometimes i wonder if i’m me or what people have made me. because, i’ve loved so many people in my life and been blessed to have met such a variety of people that i’m never really sure what part of me is still mine. so, i guess i’ll accept that someone special will always hold my heart and whoever lets go will still have a hold because i loved them long enough and whole-heartedly. no regrets. no worries. it’ll all be alright.